we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
