I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
