Don't make out with my wife yet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
