i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
