i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
