I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
