she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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