Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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