So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
