Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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