Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize