My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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