Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
