My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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