Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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