My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
