so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
