Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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