so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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