my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
