she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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