This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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