Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just high enough for therapy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
