I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
