Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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