Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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