And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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