omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
