I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
