Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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