awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize