If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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