mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
