Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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