We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize