I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
