it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
