there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
