i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
