Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Send help, water and tortillas.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize