last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
