My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
