careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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