i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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