Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
