Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
