yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
