He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
