I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
