It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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