so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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