Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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