@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
