There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
