I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
