Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just puked most of my soul out..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
