I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
