bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
