i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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