she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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