Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
