weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
