do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
