Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
