Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
