Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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