I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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