I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
