I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
