He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
