Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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