PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
