i don't like sucking hair
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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