I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
