Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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