Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
