textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
