I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
