never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
