Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she smelled like a LAN party
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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