The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
