I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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