I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
