I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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