Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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