I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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