do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
