i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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