so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize